4/9/18~ Alone in a Crowded Place

It has been quite a long day, filled with sunshine and beautiful views. Today, the 168 person class of Fall 2018 at IAU rode three buses to La Ciotat, a beach town an hour away from Aix.

Among walking through

market, standing on Europe’s tallest cliff on the Mediterranean, and eating ice cream on the beach; my favorite part about today was simply floating in the Mediterranean Sea. I completely let go of control, and all of the salt in the sea kept me afloat. I flowed with the waves that had come from miles away, and I let every worry escape my mind. Just me and the med sea J

Floating and listening to the sounds of the waves and my breathing, I was reminded of my trip to Haiti in 2015, where I floated in the Caribbean and experience the same liberating feeling.

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I love being in unfamiliar places so much. I believe it is the longing to feel unfamiliar. Growing up, I moved around quite a bit. I lived 50/50 with my mom and my dad, moving from house-to-house (&rules&families&cities), never really unpacking my bags. I went through and counted how many different places I have lived- 14 houses, 9 cities, and 2 states by the time I was 20.

Ever since I can remember, I would dream about living in different countries and different cultures. I always felt like I didn’t belong in the United States, or at least in Colorado at the time. The first time I traveled on my own was to New York City for a two-week mission trip in seventh grade. I felt like I could finally breathe on that trip, because I didn’t have to live in the boxes everyone had put me in back home.

Haiti was my second trip on my own, for a week-long volunteer and mission trip. I felt a revival of purpose and a new appreciate of the world. Even though it was such a short trip, I didn’t want to return to America. The people had nothing, they were sleeping on dirt, yet they had all of the love in their hearts and treated others with such kindness.

One week after graduating high school, I moved to Bend, OR for an internship in children’s ministries for three months. While I lived with my aunt and uncle, it was a very unfamiliar place where I knew nobody. I continued to discover myself and who I wanted to be, and I learned so much about the world.

In August of 2016, I began school at Linfield College in McMinnville, again a stranger to the world. Since attending Linfield, I have been able to become the person that I have always wanted to be.

Now, here I am in Aix-en-Provence, France. I am twenty years old and just now becoming who I want to be. It has not been an easy first twenty years of life, dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. But the rest of my life is mine, and I intend on making the most out of it.

All of this to say: I have decided to stay in France for the Spring semester as well. There are many, many reasons for this decision, but the most important one is this: I have never been as mentally and physically healthy as I am now. One semester is simply not enough time for me to learn the language and the land as much as I want to, and I believe that if I miss the opportunity to stay the whole year, I will regret it.

Of course, there are definitely cons to my staying all year. I will miss you all so much!!! However, this is a decision that I am making for me and nobody else, and I would have made it years ago if I had the chance.

Wow, that was a very long train of thought, and I barely spoke about my actual experiences so far in France, but it was all on my heart to share. I will write another email soon about my host family and school.

I love you all dearly, thank you for your support and prayers.

Hannah